Telesa vs. Twilight


Did you know that as of the end of November 2012, the Twilight franchise had made close to 6 billion dollars, worth of sales? That’s 6 billion dollars worth of crazy little girls; mature-ish young men and some older women who have bought into the teen fiction phenomena. In my personal opinion, nothing will ever in this lifetime, come near Harry PotterBut then Telesa came along. I’m kidding, Telesa does not surpass Harry Potter, but the series written by Samoan author Lani Wendt Young does take a lot of its cues from teen fiction and the Twilight series. In celebration of the recent release of the third book, ‘Telesa: The Bone Bearer’, we thought we would have a battle royale and show how Pacific Islanders do it  see which story comes out on top when we compare. You know, just for laughs.

1. Leila vs Bella

Both misunderstood and independent; both love their fathers dearly and both randomly find that in this new place they’ve moved to ‘everyone thinks they’re beautiful’; both with names that end in ‘la’. You couldn’t get much more the same without making them one. Unfortunately though, we don’t have a set face for Leila (aside from the ‘possible’ above) and so for that reason (and the fact that Ezra Taylor is about to win hands down over Robert Pattinson) we’ll probably let Kristen Stewart tip the scales in her favour by 1.

2. Daniel vs Edward

I’ve never been a big fan of pasty, ask anyone who knows me. Since the Twilight saga started, I’ve been calling anyone who needs a tan, ‘[insert name here] Cullen’. Unfortunately that’s Edwards surname. That and the fact that the way Robert Pattinson, scrunches his eyebrows constantly throughout the movies, makes me uncomfortable, means that Daniel wins this round. If it was Daniel vs Jacob, see that’d be a different ball game. Which brings us to…

3. Jacob vs Keahi

I’ll be honest and say that I’ve only read to the second book, but in this time Jacob wins over Keahi. Maybe, if Keahi didn’t act like the rude Hawaiian guys from Blue Crushand maybe if Taylor Lautner didn’t have so many abs…

4. Telesa powers vs Twilight powers

I must say, that by the last book in the Twilight series, the different possible powers a vampire could have are super cool. Having said that, some vampires are special and others aren’t. So the basic vampire powers  are that you can run fast (and up trees), you’re super strong, you’re always beautiful, you don’t die, you shimmer in the sun, you can stand still forever and you can’t sleep. Im not sure that’s my cuppa tea tbh.

As for Telesa powers, you can control the weather, the water and the earth’s movements. Granted you can’t really do them all together at the same time and you run the risk of burning/drowning or getting your first kiss struck by lightning but those are some pretty potent basic powers. That combined with the fact that they too, are ‘always beautiful’ means, I think they have a case  for winning.

5. Apia vs Forks

Apia. First in the alphabet; first in temperature when going from top to bottom on a thermometer, most probably first on people’s list of holiday destinations.. first in my heart (auuu). While I understand why the Cullen’s need to live in Forks (although, they only shimmer in the sun – they don’t sizzle and burn), I can’t imagine any scenario credible enough for Bella to trade the beautiful warm weather of Phoenix and go live in Forks with her puffa jackets and long johns, no thank you.

6. Simone


Telesa wins.

Read the books for all of this to make sense. Amazon is selling the whole series as a kindle including the novella from Daniel’s point of view, here.

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